This week, I want to share a recent blog from my friend, Katie Thomas, CPA. Katie is the founder and owner of Leaders Online LLC where she is a digital marketing strategist, content creation expert, and national speaker.
I hope you find Katie’s vulnerability and wisdom as powerful as I did.
__
I’m going to be honest and vulnerable here a bit because this year has been huge in terms of self-reflection for me. I’ve made changes that have benefitted me a lot, and I hope that sharing them with you can spark some inspiration for your own change, too.
1. Get Accountability
I’m a student at heart and I’ve read all of – well, a lot of – the books on accountability and the things I’m interested in. And when I’m not reading, I’m listening to podcasts or studying so that I know WHAT to do.
The problem?
You can’t replace accountability.
For me, I returned to therapy this year because I was experiencing a lot of anxiety.
Why?
Well, after a lot of work, I realized I was tying my value as a human to my business’s P&L.
Whew, that was hard to admit. (And I know it’s ridiculous.)
I’ve done a lot of personal work on how to heal and work through this, when previously I had pushed a lot of things to the side.
It wasn’t until I went back to therapy that I was being held accountable by someone else who was checking in on me weekly.
These sessions work for me, and it’s not a coincidence. One study found that the probability of reaching a goal rises to 95% when you have accountability appointments.
Instead of working on myself, I would spend more time working on my business and I hit a breaking point at the start of the year. I was up most nights, barely sleeping and it caught up to me quickly.
Finally, I realized that I couldn’t be my best self during the day for my team, my kids and my family because I was burning the candle at two ends.
I asked myself: do I really want barely sleeping and not being on my A-game to be my life?
NO. I was reading and learning a lot, but I didn’t take the action necessary to make the changes I needed to live the life I wanted. I needed to do something different, and therapy has made all of the difference for me.
Why?
Well, she does give me insights, but most importantly, ever week she’s asking me how I’m progressing. In other words, I have accountability.
2. Give Yourself Permission
Here’s one of the most impactful things I’ve been working on this year: giving myself permission to prioritize myself – even when my to-do list never seems to end and my life feels chaotic.
Giving yourself permission builds off of the accountability step above. In my case, it was actually my therapist who first “gave” me this permission.
I could never relax.
Here’s how my brain worked when I wasn’t working (and I know it’s not logical):
The family wants to watch a movie? I should fold laundry at the same time.
Cooking dinner? You better call your mom to check in on her. While we’re at it, let’s reorganize the pantry at the same time while the pasta is cooking.
Downtime? I better use that or else I’m wasting precious time.
I love getting things done, but when you’re always trying to maximize your time and can never be in the present moment, it becomes a problem.
A big problem.
I’m still not perfect at this, but I’m slowly working on doing more things that are JUST for me and me only.
That may be reading a book mid-day for 30 minutes just because, or journaling in the morning for 10 minutes.
Maybe I add a pedicure to my manicure just so I can spend an extra 45 minutes at the salon.
Or maybe I take off work early to take my daughter to lunch and leave my phone in the car.
These all seem so minor, but in reality, the used to give me anxiety. I’d bury myself in my business and always be “on.”
That brings me to my next point.
3. Be Unavailable
At the start of this year, I was getting a massage (which I only let myself do after I had accepted the two things above).
Prior to the massage, I locked my phone and my Apple Watch in the locker.
During the massage, it hit me: this was the first time, in I can’t remember how long that, I had been truly unavailable.
I didn’t have my phone or my watch to alert me of calls or messages.
And do you know what?
That felt amazing.
So, why don’t I do that more often?
For me, I hold a not-so-helpful belief about how quickly I respond. I’ve tied my response time to being a good human.
Which is absolutely bananas.
I want people to think: Katie responds fast. She’s on top of it.
But that’s flawed thinking.
Unfortunately, I’m not alone in my thinking.
Data from the Digital Wellness Institute found that 30% of professionals don’t feel like they can unplug because they’re worried about missing an internal message they were expected to respond to.
From what I hear when talking to other professionals, I feel like this number is actually higher.
Regardless, here’s the truth: It’s okay to be unavailable. When you’re unavailable, it means that you’re on top of whatever is in front of you at this moment. It means being present.
These insights are revolutionary.
I’d bet you’ve probably heard them before, but what I do hope is that they have given you a nudge to reflect and start taking action for yourself.
Most of us know what we should do, but we don’t actually do it.
__
Katie’s vulnerability and wisdom struck me as so powerful, I asked her if I could share it with you. These three things have been so impactful in my journey, and the power of being unavailable at certain times is a game-changer. In April, I really leaned into not being available so I could enjoy significantly more fishing time during my favorite time of the spawn. It has been so satisfying and rewarding. “Should” will make us irrelevant, prioritize your schedule in advance to make those precious moments happen. Thanks, Katie, for a great reminder for all of us.
The Rest of the Story
CeCe: Will you take these bags of clothes to Goodwill this week?
Me: I’m unavailable this week, I’m fishing in north Mississippi.
CeCe: You can go after you drop these donations off and pick up some dirt for my flower bed.
Me: I will knock it out Monday morning…
