Early in my career, my leadership “looked” very successful from the outside. I was moving up quickly. And there were certainly some things to be celebrated. People frequently shared with me that they could see my career continuing to rise.
What they didn’t know — and I didn’t realize (blind spot) — was that my stress was also rising, and as a result, my team’s results were becoming inconsistent. A few missed client deadlines, the loss of some key team members. Then a defining moment — a phone call from our largest client planning to move their work to a competitor.
I finally pressed pause and listened to the feedback I had been avoiding. The hardest truth? I had become a results-only leader. I knew the numbers. I knew the strategy. I didn’t know my people, and our team members certainly didn’t know me.
Looking up from this giant hole I had dug, I knew it was time to stop digging and start climbing. It’s when I committed to the first principle of high-trust leadership: Connect and Care.
Why This Matters
People don’t give their best to a spreadsheet or a goal; they give it to a relationship. When team members feel known, seen, and valued, they stop renting their role and start owning it. When team members know you and who you are, they are more likely to trust you. People are more open to feedback from someone they feel a connection to, someone who cares about them. Belonging powers performance and full potential.
Three Big Moves
1. Warm the Room Before You Work the Room
As an introvert, this didn’t come naturally. My coach challenged me to “warm the room” before diving into results — five minutes to check in, ask, and listen. What’s new at home? What’s hard right now? What are you excited to learn this quarter? I also learned to share more about what is going on in my personal life, what I’m excited about, and what I love to do outside of work.
Over time, as we began to know each other better. We connected on things other than work, as we began to see each other as a whole person. These conversations, these intentional acts of caring, lowered defenses, created a stronger sense of belonging, and raised trust. Performance improved with our sense of belonging.
2. Use a Care Journal
I started carrying a small notebook to one-on-ones and mentor meetings. Kindergarten graduation. Elder care. CPA exam retake. I captured what mattered to them so I could circle back with intention. It wasn’t performative; it was practical. Honestly, I was terrible at remembering family names or trivia we had previously discussed.
I have friends like Steve Napier, who can remember every aspect of our conversations, who I know and what is going on with me without any notes. He is so gifted in that respect, and I simply was not wired that way. However, I wanted to remember what they entrusted to me. I had to have a system that helped me be a better and caring leader. That simple habit transformed “I care” from a sentiment into action.
3. Align Goals and Dreams
With team members that I was mentoring, coaching or supervising, I learned to inquire what their goals were. What long-term dreams did they have for their career? I worked with them to align on how they wanted to work and grow, and to create opportunities to develop in that direction.
What Changed
Once people knew I cared, they cared more about each other and our clients. Once they knew I cared, they were more vulnerable to trust me. Collaboration improved. Miscommunication decreased. The team’s energy turned magnetic. We didn’t just hit goals—we grew together. Truthfully, everyone had more fun, and we became a high-performance team.
Try This Week
- Open every 1:1 with life-first questions. Budget five minutes. Listen without fixing.
- Start a Care Journal. Write two lines per person: “what matters now” and “what they’re working toward.”
- Celebrate a personal milestone in your next team huddle. Ten seconds. Big impact.
If you want more to create a magnetic, people-first culture, you’ll find a complete playbook in Leading with Significance and on my YouTube Channel.
Tom Hood says “Joey Havens shows the way to build a magnetic firm that attracts, retains, and develops people in a never-ending cause to constantly be better. We need this book and message more than ever.”
Grab your copy of Leading with Significance to find more magnetic insights to help you on your unique journey.
For more information on my presentations or to access my beBetter blog library go to joeyhavens.com.
