Thanks to Mom and Pop Joe, I was not only taught to be grateful, but I also watched my parents live gratitude daily. Now, we were not dirt poor as a young family of five, but we were not members of the country club either. Spending money had to be earned even as an adolescent. Regardless, even with a tight grocery budget each week, I observed my parents giving thanks for every small blessing but also sharing with others whenever they could. So, I was grounded early on in what genuine gratitude looks like.
Yet, like many of my other mistakes and faults, I ignored this discipline and began my career with the thought that gratitude was something you felt when life smiled on you. In other words, I expressed gratitude when I felt it rather than as a way of life. Many times, especially with team members, I would feel grateful for them and their contributions, support, but I would not express it so they really knew.
As I became more serious about being an effective leader, my performance coach helped me realize that my unspoken gratitude was equivalent to no gratitude at all. He helped me realize that gratitude is really a discipline — and the more you practice it, the more grateful you become. This brought back my childhood memories as I realized my parents taught me gratitude daily.
Practicing gratitude changes our mindset, energizes teams, and rewires workplace culture. It connects people, builds confidence, and reduces friction. When we demonstrate gratitude for others, it builds our influence and helps them step through that fear of “Am I good enough?” Here are three ways I moved my gratitude from feeling to discipline.
Three practical disciplines
1) Schedule gratitude
For one season, every Friday, I wrote a handwritten note to a team member. Some weeks, it was an email when travel got crazy. I named a specific behavior and its impact. The message: I see you, and what you did made a difference.
It helped people feel more appreciated and more valued. It helped me grow as a person by looking for others’ contributions rather than my own.
2) Make gratitude part of meetings
Open or close with one fast round: “Name one person who made your work easier this week.” Ten seconds each. No speeches. Watch the room brighten and the walls lower.
3) Recognize the quiet work
Everyone notices the heroics. Few notice the consistency. Celebrate the teammate who updates the client tracker without fail, the one who cleans up the meeting notes, the person who asks the clarifying question that prevents rework. Steady excellence is a trust multiplier. Even short Post-it notes on work can be a big lift for someone who regularly supports you.
What changed
Gratitude created connection. Connection created belonging. Belonging created confidence. Confidence created more risk-taking, creativity, and better work. All of this led to our team members pursuing their full potential and building high-performance teams. Simple, repeatable, powerful.
Try this week
- Send two thank-you notes that name a behavior and its impact.
- Add a 60-second gratitude round to your next team meeting.
- Spotlight consistency — call out a routine habit that saves your team time.
For more ways to install gratitude as a cultural system, chapter 6 of Leading with Significance lays out templates you can borrow and make your own.
Tom Hood says “Joey Havens shows the way to build a magnetic firm that attracts, retains, and develops people in a never-ending cause to constantly be better. We need this book and message more than ever.”
For more information on my presentations or to access my beBetter blog library go to joeyhavens.com.
