Recently, our youngest grandchild, Porter (age three), visited with us. For his birthday, he received a few new reading books about monster trucks—bright, colorful, and explicitly Any designed as phonics learning tools.
Now, Pops has been known to slur a few syllables from time to time. So, as I sat with Porter, I was laser-focused on pronouncing every word clearly and precisely so he could repeat them back to me. We finished book one and proudly moved on to book two.
As I read the opening sentence, Porter reached up, wiped his cheek, looked me straight in the eye, and announced to everyone in the room:
“Pops, you spit on me.”
CeCe and I absolutely lost it. We couldn’t stop laughing.
Porter, however, was completely unfazed. He simply leaned back a little, gave me some extra space, and said—without hesitation—that he was ready for me to read the next line. Same Pops. Same book. Just a little more distance.
What a joy children are. You never know what they’re thinking, what they’ll say next, or what question will come flying out of their mouth at just the wrong—or perfect—moment.
But here’s the part of the story that really stuck with me.
After wiping his cheek, Porter didn’t accuse. He didn’t get angry. He didn’t storm off. He didn’t assume intent. He simply stated what happened and gave me the benefit of good intentions. In his mind, Pops wasn’t trying to spit on him—I was just reading with enthusiasm.
That small moment carries a profound lesson for every relationship we care about—at home, at work, and especially in leadership.
Too often, when something goes wrong, when words land wrong, feelings get hurt, or outcomes disappoint—we rush to judgment. We assign motive. We assume offense. We react instead of reflect.
But trust is built when we pause, hold our judgment, and lead with curiosity.
“What just happened?”
“What might they have intended?”
“What can I learn here?”
When leaders respond to missteps or misunderstandings with curiosity instead of condemnation, something powerful happens. People feel safe enough to own their actions. Conversations become constructive instead of defensive. Solutions emerge that would never surface in a climate of blame.
That’s how trust deepens.
That’s how people grow.
That’s how cultures become magnetic.
Porter and I finished four of his phonics monster truck books that day—and I’m happy to report there were no additional spitting incidents. I believe I’m officially cleared for future learning sessions, provided I maintain proper reading distance.
What about you?
The next time something doesn’t land the way you hoped—at work or at home—will you assume intent… or offer the benefit of good intentions?
John O’Leary says: “Read it now! This journey in Leading with Significance to build a magnetic workplace reveals not only where God, faith and belonging intersect to create a magnetic culture but practical ideas and poignant stories to ensure you create it within your organization.”
Grab your copy of Leading with Significance to find more magnetic insights to help you on your unique journey.
For more information on my presentations or to access my beBetter blog library go to joeyhavens.com.
