That right there is pure joy. Two sources of it, to be exact.
First, Livie loves that Pops is bucking and laughing as we trot back to the SUV after a fantastic Ole Miss Meet the Rebels day at the football facilities. Second — and this is the real fuel behind that grin — she has not taken a single step on her own feet in the last hundred yards because her feet are killing her.
Earlier that morning, Livie insisted on wearing her cowboy boots. Her dad, Brandon, went to considerable lengths — patient, logical, loving lengths — explaining why tennis shoes would be a significantly smarter choice for a day of walking around the football facilities. He made his case well, appealed to reason, and practically begged.
To say those pleadings fell on deaf ears would be a dramatic understatement.
“These boots hurt!”
We let her walk all the way in. A complaint or two along the way, which we graciously absorbed. On the way out, I offered the piggyback ride — but I stopped first. “Livie, do you remember your Dad recommending you wear your tennis shoes?” A slow nod. “Will you listen to him next time?” Another nod. And we all know Livie — that answer will depend entirely on what she wants to do at the time. Strong-willed doesn’t begin to cover it. We love her for it and we encourage her to make decisions appropriate for a four-year-old.
But here’s the thing. What Livie experienced that morning is the same pain we all feel when we don’t truly listen to others.
We all think we’re better listeners than we are.
Ask anyone in any room if they consider themselves a good listener. Almost every hand goes up. I would have raised mine too — until the feedback I received from others looked uncomfortably similar to what I shared with Livie. Whenever I received confidential feedback from my team members, the number one development need or my lowest scores were usually in listening skills. Joey needs to be a better listener. Joey seems distracted when I’m talking to him. Joey never listens to my suggestions. You get the drift, I had a long way to go, but it was worth it.
Your perception of your listening skills is usually far from reality. That gap cost me years of effective leadership, and it cost some good people around me the experience of being truly heard.
Real listening is more than letting another person finish their sentence. Your body language, your follow-through, and what you actually do with what you hear — all of it communicates whether you truly received what was shared. In the workplace, in your family, and with your friends, being a strong listener builds a deep sense of belonging. And belonging is not a soft, feel-good idea. It is the engine of high performance.
Here are the listening mistakes that took me the longest to overcome — and what I had to learn to do instead:
Asking for input after the decision is already made. This is the most damaging one. People are not fooled. They know when you are going through the motions, and it erodes trust fast. CeCe has said to me more than a few times, why are you asking me? I know you have already made up your mind. The fix — bring people in early, when their input can actually change something.
Appearing to agree without ever sharing how the input was considered. Even a no deserves a response. When someone speaks up and never hears another word about it, they learn quickly that speaking up is pointless. Share the Why. When the answer is no or not right now, say so — clearly, timely, and respectfully. The reasoning behind your decision lets people know they were heard, even when the outcome did not go their way.
And the phone — glancing at your phone while someone is sharing something important is not subtle, and it is never forgotten. Make good eye contact and turn your body towards them as they speak.
Forming my response while they were still talking. I was so focused on what I was about to say that I missed what they were actually saying. I had to learn to stop composing and start listening — pause after someone finishes, actually think about what you just heard, ask a clarifying question before you respond. Whenever someone’s input genuinely influences your thinking, say so out loud and thank them for speaking up. It will not be the last time they do.
Strong listening habits will help you reach your full potential. They will elevate the people around you. And they will make you more magnetic — people are drawn to leaders who make them feel genuinely heard. It is one of the most underrated competitive advantages in leadership.
So practice it. Be intentional about it. It pays enormous dividends.
It will also save your feet.
Which brings me back to Livie. She rode home on Pops’ back, grinning like she had won something. And honestly, at four years old, maybe she had.
The boots are still cute. The feet still hurt. And CeCe — if I recall correctly, you can relate to Livie’s sore feet.
Hotty Toddy. #beBetter
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